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We’ll stick, stick, stick to the plan we laid out
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[02 Aug 2006|12:50am] |
i was reading that book postsecrets..or something like that, and it gave me the shivers and made me cry. one post card was like "i act like im sympathetic towards my friends when they tell me about the fights they have with there mothers...i would give up my left arm to just have a mom to fight with." (something like that)
read the book, its good. sad and funny and all of those good things.
if i had to mail in a postcard with a secret or anything it would be.....
i listened to them, and myself, i told him how i felt, and now hes gone.
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[21 Jul 2006|11:08pm] |
i bought my sister an angel fish on wednesday, and it died today, and now shes in her room crying about it...which brings me to the movie i watched last night..'domino' i wonder if my sister will get her fish tattooed on her neck...which also brings me to this:
"I decided to never invest too much emotion in one thing.
Its always a set-up to the pain of losing them"
&& i agree 100%.
i dont think falling for someone, or liking someone is suppose to be like this, or make me feel the way i do. well actually.. i dont know how its suppose to be.
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[09 Jul 2006|12:56am] |
what a fucking day.
my head hurts from all of this. this is gunna kill me in the end. i can feeeeeel it son.
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[31 May 2006|10:17pm] |
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...but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by
i l i v e t o l e t y o u
s h i n e.
( photo's )
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[27 May 2006|10:56am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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the format |
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everytime i write an entry, i delete it when im done.
all i have to say is i dont get it at all. i go to sleep, and wake up thinking about this.
then i ask myself why. and i never have the answer.
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[01 May 2006|07:53pm] |
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i bought a hamster. and hes fucking cute.
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[30 Apr 2006|09:36am] |
this is dedicated to the most amazing boy in my life. DREW. happy birthday my love.
there's so much about you that makes you such an amazing person and the greatest friend. all the laughs and good long talks on my bed, (oo la la) and stuffing our faces with a lot of fucking food, and walking up and down hills just so we can eat junk. (yeah we're fat asses) i can talk to you about anyyyything and i love you for that. your so god damn amazing that it makes me want to be a better person. oh and of corse...the greatest part about you...well the best part about us..is that we're greys anatomy fans. new episode tonight!! woo
okay im done being a loser.
drew..have a happy birthday...you deserve it more then anything.
i love you.
ps. happy birthday love!
-bianca <33
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[21 Apr 2006|01:54pm] |
i had a really good talk last night till like 2:30 in the morning with a friend and i think im seeing things in a new light. the difference from how i felt the past couple of days, and how i feel today, is a complete change. and its not only with the boy/love life situation, its with everything. my whole life.
example...i usually wake up and eat not so healthy foods, i woke up yesterday and went to sleep last night eating solid chocolate. today i woke up and ate bananas and grapes. im eating a lot healthier, im taking care of my body better. i feel a lot better. i mean, im still gunna be upset, and im still gunna think about the dumb situations i get myself into with these boys, but one day, hopefully soon, i will meet someone who will be everything that i've been waiting for. i really hope im right.
how can you change how you feel about someone, how can you say "fuck that", how can you say im sick of waiting around for someone who might not come around, when neither of you know exactly how you feel. you can't make decisions, you cant move on or get anywhere if you dont kno the facts, if the other person doesn't know how you feel cause your a chicken shit and cant tell them, or if you do, you do it in the vaguest ways ever.
baby steps..right?
i think i'll leap.
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[08 Apr 2006|10:12pm] |
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music |
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the sound of animals fighting |
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i like not going to work on saturdays.
and i like that things are kinda maybe sorta going back to how they were.
who knows who knows. cause i never do.
yesterday was fun. ring day and jazz. cheesecake factory, knowls, midland, overpasses, and that good stuff.
some pictures ...
( Read more... )
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[12 Mar 2006|06:05pm] |
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A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
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[09 Mar 2006|05:32pm] |
so yesterday was my birthday, and im 17, finally. i can't wait for life to really take action and starrt. i love the fam and everyone for making my day special, but stupid people have to be stupid asshole bitches and do stupid asshole bitchy things. but i really do hope, (since we all have a pretty good idea about who it was) that you go to bed at night thinking to yourself, wow im a really low and stupid person. just know that, that your fucking low, if i know you or not, your still pathetic. i honestly can give 2 shits about it. cause i learned to just stop caring. i do not care about you. and your prob thinking "if she doesn't care, why is she writing a lj entry about it", because i have a lot of good friends, because im not a depressed piece of shit who hates the world, because i like waking up in the morning knowing i have more then one friend to talk to, and because this is the most "drama" that will ever happen to me, and i like to write about it. im never in anything, nothing bad happens to me in school and with friends because i surround myself with the best, and dropped the worst. because when someone says "bianca" no one rolls there eyes or has something bad to say about me. so thats why, because i don't get into shit, and when something dumb like that happens to me, i write about it. cause its new, and not about my family gettting on my nerves, or a boy problem that i wish that would just solve itself. its something different and dumb. and new. so im writing you away.
its amazing how the world works. you think someone is 100% out of your life, but then you slowly start talking agian, and things seems the way they were before, but there is stuff that is in the way, and a past you can't change. thats the thing, you can not change it, you can't change how i feel about you, you can't change the way i think about you,(bad and good) you can't change my point of view. no matter how hard you try, the feeling i had in the begining, will always stay that way, because you put certain thoughts in my head, made me feel amazing, made me feel like crap, made me smile, made me laugh, made me cry, made me try, made me give up, move on, but move right back on it agian. and agian. and agian. and i know im a stupid girl. but no matter what i say or do, you have this certian, 'power' over me, even tho i tell myself 'no', im not a strong person, i'm weak in more ways you can think. when im 70 years old, married divorced dead, who knows. i think i will always hold some thought of you with me, and i have no idea why. i hate you and love you and wanna kill you but wanna live with you. and thats me for you, and thats you for you. but i won't be waiting. im sick of waiting. im always waiting for someone, i always leave time, timetimetime, it doesn't stop for you, or for me, it goes and goes, and its going to waste. so im not waiting. im not waiting for anyone anymore. i realized this all right now. i think thats a lot to think about. but its true. everyone who knows me, knows me as a nice person, because i am, but i can't sit around and wait for something that may never come around, if you dont even talk to me. this is seperate from what i was talking about before, different pple, different time, shit im writing so much oh man. i can't stop it though. but i don't understand, im not a pushy person, im really not, so im not pushing you, and im not addressing you, i just want to know. to talk. to just know. i just hate time so much. i wish i had a lot of it, cause im waiting for this love to come oneday, but it seems so far, really far.
hi im bianca, and i don't know what i'm talking about half of the time. excuse me please. thanks.
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| "world's famous chili" =] |
[06 Mar 2006|01:53pm] |
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i really don't like school, and i didn't feel like going today, so i stayed home. so instead of bumming around like i usually do, i think i'll do my u.s history timeline and i'll start the english essay that was due like weeks ago. Yesterday was fun. it was a good "road trip" to new jersey. it took almost 2 hours to get to asbury park, and we stayed at the stone pony for about 15 minutes. the ride going there and back were the most fun, and had the most laughs. the boardwalk was nice too, the sun was setting, and it was just really pretty. good times good times. we ended the mini trip with crunch wrap surpremes ♥ it was great.
so i've come to the conclusion that i suck at this love bullshit. but thats besides the point.
im really excited about fridayyyy, i want it to be here already.
( pictures&junk )
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[04 Mar 2006|11:45am] |
If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you to please stop it now
If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you to just tell me something.
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[02 Mar 2006|08:45pm] |
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music |
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brand new kiddd |
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"I never needed anybody, it won't change now."
i like snow days, but they keep me on the computer for hours on end, and make me think so much my brain hurts. i baked a good chocolate cake today. i bake too much, waddup martha stewart? however you spell her name. tomorrow is already friday and then yeah. i don't know. march 8th, wednesday is my birthday. remember it i guess i'll post pictures. i was spinning around my room a couple of days ago and taking pictures of it, and they came out cool. then just other random ones.
ps) I need you, by me, beside me, to guide me, to hold me...
( dang yo )
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[02 Mar 2006|12:19pm] |
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the strokes show last night was probably the greatest thing i ever saw in my life. i don't even know how to describe it. holy shit. <3
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[28 Feb 2006|11:07am] |
here i am, sitting next to my lovely lady lover liz.
very bored in school, i kinda wanna kill myself.
"its a mother fucking walk off"
i like the shirt idea alot. lets do ittttt.
hmmmmm. fuck im bored. fucking strokes tomorrow. hell yes. very excited about that. fabriziooohbabbby <33
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[23 Feb 2006|09:16pm] |
i bake really good cakes. i bought really sweet ass jeans today, this was basically our night last night.
 plus hulk hands, cars, walgreens, techno, rap, ghetto pple, zane and sean, fucking CRUNCH WRAP SURPREME <333, random shiiiit.
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[19 Feb 2006|10:41pm] |
its like one fucking circle.
or maybe its just my head.
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[15 Feb 2006|06:31pm] |
i have a feeling my new sexy hoodie is going to be my second skin.
my brother is amazing. i love when we have these kinds of days.
im over joyed right now. and i do not know why.
jen. the sea salt is in my bag. lol
fuckkk i'm happy.
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[14 Feb 2006|04:46pm] |
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music |
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minus the bearr |
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This was a sweet ass valentines day. gabbie is amazing. i mean, surrrre i don't have a b/f, and suuuure gabbie lacks the male features of a boy, but who needs a boy when you have super cool friends. not me.
yeah i'm a liar. having a boy really would do me some good. myspace is pretty much corrupting my mind. all those super cute couples who have pictures of themselves on there page makes me extremmmmely jealous. i wish i had that. someone who is completely head over heals about you, and only think about you, and lovvve you. that would be awesome yo.i also realize that all of what i write about...is about love. the one thing i lack, is the one thing i'm good at writing.
&& for someone who does NOTHING (no joke) in school. my average is a 81? how? i'm still trying to figure it out.
and talking to lauren and kristYn all of english, and listening to music and being on my sidekick through that whooooole class got me 91. i love my stupid school. shiiiit, imagine if tried. or actually cared. hmmmm?
heyyyyy mr guy. prince charming? want my number boy?
we'll see where this goes 1st. somewhere i hooooope. that wold give me many many smiles.
happy valentines day ladies and gents. ♥
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